Can’t Sleep and so I Write

I should be taking a nap. I want to be taking a nap. Why can’t I nap? I’m exhausted. Super tired. At the four o’clock mark each day I feel like I’ve been up for a full twenty-four hours. Can’t go to sleep then. My precious toddler is due to be home soon  and will definitely require some Mommy time.

Is it my apnea returning? I wonder. I certainly don’t sleep through the night and I wonder if it’s my health. I could probably stand to lose a few pounds. I don’t always remember to do a sinus rinse before I go to bed at night. Only today did I read a tablespoon of honey at night before bed might help me sleep better. I tried it. It didn’t do a thing for my nap. Must take some practice to kick in.

Is it our new schedule? My husband has a shift that begins at 3AM and almost never do I sleep through the sound of the front door being shut on his way out. So does that mean I’m already awake? Why am I awake? I want to sleep. My body wants to be sleep.

Maybe it’s al these stories in my head that need writing. Between writing, branding, recording my podcast (Life AS P, available on iTunes, Google Play, and iHeart Radio) building relationships (probably the hardest part of what I do), remembering to be attentive as a wife, have some hand in keeping this house from being taken over by dishes, mail and laundry, and being a Mommy, I am beat. Still, I can’t sleep. I even scheduled a nap in my duties for today and here I am at my computer. For over an hour I’ve been waiting to fall asleep.

And so I write. Perhaps this is what this grind does. This could truly be what they mean when they (not really sure who they is) say the grind don’t sleep. But honestly, could the grind nap for a moment?

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