Wasn’t Ready For That

So my girlfriend and I were talking about our college woes. As adults you look back and you think about all the independence you were given and you think everyone involved must’ve been completely out of their minds to give your non-proven self room for decision making.

My first semester I was a sixteen year-old girl who was convinced I was a morning person. I signed up for a 8AM psychology class. Needless to say I failed with drowning colors mostly from failure to show. The class was on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Club night was Thursday, but I didn’t know that when I made my schedule. But someone knew that. Why didn’t someone tell me how stupid that was? Well, someone did, but by then I was in a crowded club, dancing and sipping on something I wasn’t supposed as well as more than midway through the semester.

Or how about how I chose colleges because one school’s campus intimidated me. I was accustomed to a three minute time between bells to get to class in High School. So when I saw that the Science building was across the campus from the English building I thought I’d fail my classes from not being able to make it to class on time. I mentioned it in laughing passing to the tour guide. She laughed, but never clarified things. She was probably calling me a dumb-a** in her head. not-ready

“Moana” said her major was chemistry because she liked chemistry. She wanted to be a doctor. He whole first two years she didn’t take any science classes. What? Where was her counselor to guide her? Why’d she take macro economics without taking micro or better yet, basic math?

We were stupid kids who showed varying signs of maturity from time to time. The expectation was that based on our maturity levels we could be trusted to make good decisions. NO! That’s not how it works. If you look over your own life you’d see that although you were responsible in some areas, you still had to grow up a bit to spill that “common sense” over into other areas. I never thought I’d say this but I wish I wasn’t trusted to make my life decisions so early. Someone needed to remind me I needed guidance and reviewed my course outline or something. I didn’t know what I was doing.

My counselor was non-existent. I didn’t reach out and neither did they. I can’t even tell you if it was a man or woman. Two different colleges trusted me to draw my own path. Why? I was a well-cloaked idiot up until two or three years after I graduated. Thank God my husband (fiancée at the time) was able to see past by less understandable decisions. He wasn’t perfect either but I at least was mature enough to not let his behind go.

It all reminds me of my little sister. She’s twelve and so very mature. I mean the girl can give a motivational talk that would cause you to play against Serena although you’ve never even seen someone play tennis. However, she still makes childish decisions. Probably because she’s a child. She still doesn’t want to do her homework right away. Still she stays up later at night than she should. It should be expected. She’s twelve!

I hope when I have a child of my own one day, I’ll remember not to let their maturity make me step too far back. I agree maturity has to blossom and it needs room, but maybe not so much room. In my journey I tried to shortcut quite a bit and as with most shortcuts, I ended up taking the long way.

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