You Men and Your Mediums

winnie_the_pooh_by_zdrer456-d38v5vz    I don’t feel comfortable giving a grown man size Medium clothing (unless it’s a hat or gloves). I don’t want to purchase Medium tops and jackets, buy them on your behalf, or (as my boss recently found) collect them for you to pass along to you. I don’t mind doing it if you’re a teenager, but for a man I won’t. I will get you the Large and allow yoo to or even advise you to let it shrink in the wash. Trust me I know it seems very offensive, especially to the petite man. I also know that it’s completely illogical. There’s probably a list of people in my family with sweaters and t-shirts hanging off their shoulders, looking like they’ve been playing tag with someone yanking on them all day, because I won’t buy a Medium. 

I can’t tell you where the discomfort started but I can tell you the first time I noticed it. My cousin, let’s call her Monica, was buying a coat for her daughter’s father. At the time he was just her boyfriend, but whatever. The dude is short and fit. He’s military strong. Do they give out Medium shirts in the military? Or do they buy the shirts that say Large but fit like a Medium. I can’t see them giving out Mediums unless it’s to the women. We’ve all tried those on before. Anyway, she reached for the Medium and I just couldn’t let her go through with it. I put up such a fuss like he was my husband and she was his ex buying him a pair of underwear. The only wording I can recall for sure was, “You better not buy a grown a** man a Medium!” Yes, I was a swear word user at the time. I cringe when I say this because I know how it sounds, but I don’t feel like size Medium is a manly size. I know your husband or boyfriend or brother or best friend or father wears a Medium and believe me I know it feels insulting for me to verbalize, but it’s one of my stupid inner rules that accentuates the fact that I too can sometimes be an idiot. I mean really, if you’re not my husband I don’t even know why it matters to me. It’s not because I’m a plus-sized woman either. I mean I am, but I felt this way before my clothing had to be purchased in specialty stores.  

But maybe it’s not entirely my fault. I mean think of all the men who think their size is a Medium and it is not. The skinny fat guy who’s tummy rolls out like a squeezed balloon whenever he raises his arms. What about the buff dude whose bullet nipples resemble hardened lint balls on his t-sirt? Then there’s long torso guy who needs a Medium Big and Tall, but that’s a size I’ve never seen so please take the Large. I don’t feel like t-shirts should stop at the top of your belt. They should come down to your pockets. It could be that I was raised in an era where baggy clothes were in, but I don’t think that’s it either. A lot of those fads I wouldn’t support now strictly because they look so sloppy. 

It’s quite possible you and I will never know what it is that causes me to feel this predjudice. In case we can get to the bottom of it, I’ll bring it up in my next therapy session. In the meantime, no Mediums please. 

Thanks

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