I feel like there should be a mentor program for home owners. Maybe there is one and I’m not aware of it. Like when you purchase your home, there should be a notification of a local meeting or a list of people you can reach out to. Wait, seriously, is there one? Is it like a secret society? Do I have to own for like a set number of years before they invite me in? Let me in, dangit!!!!
Whenever something like the sump pump breaks or the central air decides it will not work forever and ever, I imagine there’s a group of veteran homeowners on a patio somewhere, snickering. We were so naïve when we purchased. Why didn’t anyone tell me the home warranty people could be shady? Or to save money for the ginormous expenses of replacing furnaces and water heaters? I feel like I was tricked. It’s like when you purchase a new car. You could buy a seven-year old car that has 80,000 miles on it or a three-year old car with 40,000 miles on it. You get the newer model, but no one tells you the thing was under water for two months and when you keep the heat on for longer than twenty minutes it spits water bubbles at you. You didn’t realize it because you bought it in the summer.
Sure you can blame it on not asking the right questions, but people make it so doggone hard for you to learn what the heck to ask. You have to go find it in a book while taking over a year to prepare yourself to buy the house. How do you even know what you’re looking for? You know my leg made a hole in the bathroom ceiling from me stepping on insulation in the attic and falling through? What homeowners book is that in? I need a chapter on, “Don’t step on the pink stuff!” I grew up in Brooklyn in a house that didn’t even have an attic. None of my friends had attics. Balance beaming in the attic ain’t common knowledge for me.
And what about the grass? Why does it grow so doggone fast? Why do the weeds grow tall as trees? Why didn’t I know to check to see the percentage of people in the state suffering from allergies?
Now maybe you’re reading this and feel like I’m stupid because you knew all of these things. You were prepared to purchase your home and nothing came up that knocked you on your behind and had you with the Alfalfa face. That’s great. Don’t be stingy. Share your wisdom. I invite you to mentor me. Cause honey, my money’s getting slim while my blood pressure’s fat.
I do love my house, though. It’s comfortable and invites people to stay a weekend, but not a year. We have appropriately nosey neighbors and a police officer that lives down the street. It has taught me much, like spend your money foolishly and the universe will send a toilet pipe leak the evening you return from a shopping spree. I know that going forward if anyone tells me they’re buying a house, I’m not going to just mind my business. I’m going to ask the questions I should have. Maybe they’ll feel helped, warned, or they won’t care. The doggone secret society still hasn’t let me in so I still share my experiences willingly.